All great things take time

We talk a lot about compelling events in sales.

If your customer doesn’t have a negative event or outcome that occurs if they don’t purchase your or your competitors product, they’ll most likely delay a decision.

The same goes for negative or bad habits.

That’s why it’s so hard to stop doing something we know is bad for us.

The negative effects are in the future, not right in front of us.

Why not just continue with a bad habit?

We’re not usually seeing the negative impact until it’s too late.

We need a compelling event and most of the time it’s a mistake or bad event or diagnosis.

So how do we create a compelling event?

Look into the future and work backwards.

How do you want to be remembered?

How do you want your kids to think of you?

What matters most to you – this habit or your long-term health?

Even then, it’s tough to break an engrained habit.

Don’t expect it to happen overnight but work to force in healthy habits to replace your negative behavior.

If you really want to change and have a plan for replacing your negative habit with something positive, you will.

You just need to create a compelling event for yourself where if you don’t stop, something negative impacts someone greater than yourself – your family, your job, your life, etc.

Create a business case for yourself with facts, goals, and positive outcomes from this habit.

If there are no positive outcomes and only negative effects on your life, the choice should be easy.

Everyone has stress.

How you react to it matters.

You can medicate and numb yourself with drugs and alcohol.

You can sit around and watch TV or fuck off on your phone for hours.

You can get angry with other people or fall into a spiral of negativity.

You can take it out on your family or friends.

You can go run or bike or lift weights when you feel overwhelmed or stressed.

You can also take positive actions.

You can take five minutes and go for a walk or sit in silence.

You could read your favorite book or paper or listen to your favorite podcast.

Instead of sitting in anger, control how you react to these situations.

Pause. Take a break. Take one deep breath. Then evaluate what you should do next.

Force yourself to be aware of the way you feel.

Take a positive action vs reacting negatively every time you get stressed.

Stress is intertwined with life. Stress is good and bad. Have a plan for stress.

Take the high road and act positively.

It will pay off.

What if what we think we want isn’t what we need? Or even what we want?

What if it’s the opposite?

What if what we need are the things we want to do the least?

What if what we want is to get away from the things we know we need to do?

What if it’s to get away from the things that scare us the most?

Could that be what we want?

Maybe we need to think of the things we least want to do and work backwards.

That presentation in front of the board. That paper that’s due. That race that’s longer than anything we’ve ever run. That difficult conversation with our partner.

Those difficult tasks that seem scary at first are the things that force us to grow and improve the most.

That’s what we need to want.

It’s about showing up and providing an ear.

Listening to what the other person has to say. How do they feel? How can we help? What can we do? Listen to them.

Listen to listen, not to respond.

Being there for someone close matters more to them than you.

It’s not particularly fun. It’s usually a hard situation. A tough conversation. A breaking point for someone you care about.

Hear them out and provide your full support. Don’t judge. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t talk poorly of them. Don’t provide an opinion. Support them by being there for them.

That’s all they want.

Track your spending.

It’s not complicated.

Go over the last 30 days.

How much did I make? How much did I spend?

What portion of my income am I investing and/or saving?

Where is my money really going?

You don’t have to create a budget. Just track your spending.

What are the things that matter most to me?

How can I reallocate my funds to what matters most?

It all starts with tracking.

You can’t improve your financial situation if you don’t know where you stand financially.

Start tracking your monthly spending. It’s that simple.

We’ve always been told to grind it out.

Work harder and harder until you achieve x thing or goal.

Never quit. Never give up. Keep pushing!

But what if we’re focused on the wrong things? What of we’re playing the wrong game? How can we tell? Why are we holding on?

We don’t want to be seen as a failure. We don’t want to disappoint people. We want to succeed at everything we ever try. That’s just not realistic.

It’s time to quit the things we’ve been holding on to and move on.

Try something new. Learn something else. Figure out what you love by trying different things.

Micro lose for the long term gain.

It’s time to quit something to free up your time to try something else.

“Don’t worry about failure; you only have to be right once.” – Drew Houston

We feel we’re the best.

No one can stop us. We’re unbeatable. We can do no wrong. We’re going to keep winning.

Until we don’t.

We lose a huge deal. We lose a race. We get fired. We get beat. Fuck.

In that moment we realize, we’re not unbeatable. We’re not the best version of ourselves. We have a long way to go.

Getting humbled is one of the most important steps on the journey to self improvement and growth.

We can either learn from that moment or give up.

Accepting defeat is not easy but getting humbled can be exciting.

We just have to look at it as an opportunity to get better.

Why do we only celebrate when someone does something well?

Do they really learn from that? Is success the only measurement of accomplishment?

Why not celebrate failures?

“You failed your test? That’s great to hear! Why do you think you failed and how will you make sure you pass the exam the next time around?”.

Okay maybe not cheer on failure but surely ask deeper questions instead of telling people,”try harder next time”.

Failure is the best way to figure out how to not do something.

Don’t aim to fail but take advantage of the opportunity when you do fail. Failure is inevitable. Learn from your mistakes.

Instead of being disappointed in our effort we should really reflect on what we did well and what we need to improve upon.

Success can sometimes be disguised. You could be positively reinforcing a negative behavior when you succeed.

You’re not going to ace every test you face in life or in school.

Failing should not be ridiculed. It should be celebrated and learned from.

Failing isn’t a negative event. Just because you failed one exam doesn’t make you permanently stupid. It shows you areas you need to work on.

Failing is a part of the path. You can’t succeed without failing first.

Honestly, life would be boring if we only won. Would we ever really learn if we didn’t fail?

Embrace failure as a time to reflect and learn. It’s a time to improve.

You’re not stupid if you fail along the way. You’re doing the opposite of failing. You’re learning.

How can you bring ultimate confidence with you in every interaction you have?

Confidence doesn’t happen overnight but every single person has one thing they’re better than everyone else in a particular situation at.

You could be in a meeting. At a race. At a conference. At a friend’s house.

Everywhere you go bring your confidence from that activity to every interaction you have.

It could be your running ability. Your knowledge about cars. Your ability to play an instrument. Your ability to speak another language. Your dedication to reading. Your ability as a parent.

Whatever it may be, bring that confidence to all other interactions.

Everyone has something they’re great at.

Find that skill, activity, dedication, and use it to power you in all areas of your life.

Being a parent is life changing.

Everyone says it but when it happens, your world changes.

You finally understand why you’re living.

Your focus shifts from it’s all about me to the selfless perspective – it’s all about them.

When reflecting on my life there are specific things I want to instill in my daughter. A criteria she can live her life by through the lessons I’ve learned.

1. Be courageous/confident

I want my daughter to be courageous enough to do what she wants. To stand up for what she believes in. To stand up for the people she loves. To help strangers. To try everything. To be confident in her decisions. To act quickly and decisively. To speak up for herself. To believe in her abilities. To start and create something she loves. To never back down. To do things she is scared of. To run towards her fears. Willingness to take risks. Willingness to fail but the courage to try again and again.

2. Be curious about everything

I want her to be consistently curious. Continuously wondering and asking why. Questioning everything. Pushing back on her own beliefs. Curious to learn more. To work on hard projects. To problem solve difficult scenarios. To always be learning new subjects and getting better each day.  Curiosity about different ways of life. Of different cultures. Different races. Different countries. Constantly asking hard questions and hard topics. Having a willingness to continuous learning – intellectual curiosity to continuously learn.

3. Hard work lays the foundation

I want her to understand that she can have everything she wants in life as long as she works hard enough for it. To set the base for her future self. To understand that working hard now pays off in the long and short term. To have her work hard each day to achieve her goals. To believe that hard work sets the stage for her future. To not be discouraged by hard work and incremental results. To love what she does and work hard towards it. To see obstacles and difficult tasks as the path towards her goals. Problem solving combined with hard work will help you achieve anything you set your mind to.

4. Be patient

I want her to understand that things take time. Large, hard goals take time to achieve. Success doesn’t happen overnight. Patience and belief that things will work out is the key. That her hard work will pay off. That great things take time. There is no such thing as an overnight success. True success comes from small gains compounded over time to achieve great results. Be patient that it will all work out. Not hoping for things to workout but patiently working hard towards her goals. Persistance will help you with your patience – if you know it will take time to achieve your goals, you’re more likely to try multiple times.

If I can teach my daughter to be more courageous, more patient, more curious about the world, and work hard on difficult tasks I’ll have achieved my greatest goal of all – helping her succeed on her own terms.

How often do we hear that one person can change the world?

How often do we truly believe that?

Will your one vote really make a difference?

After everything that’s happened in the world, we have proof that one person can make drastic changes to their immediate surroundings.

The coronavirus started with one person. Now look where we are.

What if positive action could spread that quickly? What if global equality for all people could spread that quickly? Why can’t positive change spread like a virus?

It can. It’s possible. We’re seeing huge positive change.

George Floyd’s murder was sickening. It took a horrific event to drive a much needed positive change in the US.

So which side are you on? Who are the 5 people you are spreading positivity or negativity to?

You can make that decision. You have control of your life and others. Do you realize how much of an impact you have on your immediate circle of influence?

Why not stand up for what’s right? Why not spread love and positivity?

It can be done. It will be done.

It starts with you.

People are usually impressed whenever you tell them you’re running a marathon. They don’t care what time you run or if you’re faster than most runners. They’re usually more impressed by the final outcome: you running a 26.2 mile race.

To the average person that seems impossible. It seems overwhelming. They usually say something like, “I could never do that.” or “I’m just not built to run a mile let alone 26.2 miles.” or “You’re crazy. Why would you ever want to do that?”

I agree. The 26.2 mile distance does seem like a lot. It seems really hard to do – which it is. But it’s not impossible. Your first step towards running a marathon is not to actually run a marathon. It’s to train – slowly – for a 1 or 2 mile run and then go from there.

It’s like any large undertaking or project you’ve ever accomplished in your life. You don’t just get a job or start a company and that’s it. You’re done. You still have to be good at what you do and that takes practice. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to improving your craft.

Don’t think about the final outcome to start. Break it up into digestable chunks.

Focus on running one mile at a time. Don’t focus on how far away you are or how insane it may seem to run 26.2 miles when you’re running 2 miles a day. Slowly build up until you start to feel comfortable. Soon you’ll hit 5 miles a day. Then you’ll run a long run of 10 miles. That’s when you start to see the progress and start believing you can do it.

If you just think about how far the distance is and how much time/effort you’ll have to devote to the marathon, you’ll never run. You won’t be able to keep up the motivation and dedication it takes to train.

Instead, focus on the small wins. Small wins are crucial to consistently training.

Keep track of your pace and your distance. It’s a huge victory to go from 1 mile to 2 miles of sustained running or to run a faster mile or to run a 5k. Focus on THAT. That’s a huge accomplishment.

It won’t be easy but it’s not impossible. You can run a marathon. Take it one step at a time.

The main theme throughout the book is that stress can be used as a good thing and combined with proper rest is the way you make your biggest improvements.

Stress + Rest = Growth

My main notes:

– The brightest minds spend their time either pursuing their activity with ferocious intensity, or engaging in complete restoration and recovery. – my thought was that I always have to be on at all times never taking breaks, this changed my perception.

– We have one single reservoir of brainpower for all acts of cognition and self-control, even those that are unrelated. – physical challenges can be impaired by exerting your mental muscle beforehand. – don’t use up your reservoir on useless tasks.

– By successfully completing smaller productive changes we can build the strength to complete larger ones in the future.

– “If you are interested in improving as a performer, I would suggest incorporating the rhythm of stress and recovery into all aspects of your life.” – Josh Waitzkin

– Stress isn’t just harmful but can serve as a stimulus for growth and adaptation. Stress can be positive or negative. – I’ve never thought of stress as having positive attributes.

– Skills come from struggle – the greatest gains often follow immense struggle and discomfort.

– If you want to continuously improve in whatever it is that you do, you’ve got to view stress as something positive, even desirable.

– A little doubt and uncertainty is actually a good thing: It signals that growth opportunity has emerged. The little voice inside our heads saying we can’t possibly do this usually means you’re right on track. It means you’re starting to venture out of your comfort zone. That’s where the real improvement begins.

– Seek out tasks that take you out of your comfort zone.

– it’s all about deliberate practice not about experience.

– Devote your time to one thing. Focus on one thing at a time.

– Quality trumps quantity.

– Work for 50-90 minute periods. 2 hours should be the most work you should do continuously.

– Cultivating a growth mindset and a challenge response to stress is highly beneficial.

– Don’t fight the feeling of nerves and anxiety before a big event, instead tell yourself, “I am excited.” Don’t attempt to suppress your pre-event nerves but instead use them to your advantage.

– It’s not that elite runners don’t feel pain and discomfort during hard workouts, it’s just that they react differently. Rather than panicking they have a calm conversation with themselves saying it’s okay to feel like this, this should feel hard, I’m running hard.

– When you start to feel uncomfortable in a given situation have a calm conversation with yourself and let yourself know everything is fine.

– Be mindful and remain calm. Devote your psychological and physical energy to completing the task at hand and not to worrying about it.

– Rest is as productive and important as a workout.

– Take a break throughout the day when you feel overwhelmed or stressed. Take a walk, get into nature, meditate, hangout with friends, etc.

– Sneaking in an extra hour of training at the expense of sleeping is rarely ever a good idea.

– Get 7-9 hours of sleep per day. Sleep is productive.

– Avoid people, places and things that put you in a bad mood in the interest of upping your performance.

– The makeup of your social circle have profound implications on your own behavior. What you do and when you do it are important, but so is who you do it with. There is an enormous power of the people with whom you surround yourself.

– The right personal and professional supporters means everything. You want to surround yourself with people who motivate you, support you, and challenge you.

– “The single greatest skill in any endeavor is doing the work.”

– Physical fatigue occurs not in the body but in the brain. Our muscles don’t wear out, our brain shuts them down when they still have a few percentage points to give. – this is one of the most profound statements in the entire book.

– Our ego or ourselves is what holds us back from reaching our true limits.

– You’re more likely to give something your all if you know it will benefit someone else or a greater cause. Link your work to a greater cause to increase your motivation.

– Select core values such as positivity, independence, courage, and consistency these are my core values.

– Multitasking is a myth. Do only one thing at a time.

We all have certain things we dislike about ourselves. Certain things we do that make us unhappy. These are our bad habits. 

We recognize we hate when we do these things, but we continue to have these bad habits. Sometimes they’re infrequent. Other times it’s something we do everyday.

Instead of adding good habits, try eliminating bad habits.

What are your bad habits? What are the worst practices you do on a daily basis?

These few habits are based on your opinion. Don’t ask someone else what they think. Do this on your own. These should be the habits you dislike the most about yourself.

Maybe you want to stop biting your nails. It could be to stop watching so much TV. It could be stopping binge drinking or drinking alcohol in general.

Think deeply about the worst habits you have.  

Make a list of all the habits you want to change. This list can be as long as you want. 

Rank the habits based on their impact – habits that are stopping you from reaching your goals at the top and habits like biting your nails at the bottom.

Once you have your list of three habits focus on reducing the amount of time per day you spend on these activities. If watching TV is the number one habit you want to change, you have to first figure out how much time you’re spending on this activity.

Once you’ve figured it out, let’s say it’s four hours per day, try reducing it by 25%. Force yourself to watch one less hour of TV per day for one week. By cutting your TV watching time by 25% you’ve freed up seven hours in your week.

Take that time that you’ve freed up to do something that brings you Joy. It could be spending more quality time with your family or reading for an hour. It depends on what matters most to you.

After that first week, keep building on your success. 

Have your significant other or friends hold you accountable to the changes you’re making.

Once you’ve stopped one bad habit move onto the next one.

You’ll always have areas for improvement. You’ll always have bad habits. You can always cut certain activities out of your days. 

Focus on changing one bad habit at a time. 

“Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” – Benjamin Franklin